What is Consent?

Consent is the foundation of every healthy sexual interaction. It means clearly and freely agreeing to participate in sexual activity, without pressure, manipulation, or fear. Consent must be enthusiastic, informed, and continuous.

When consent is not present, sexual activity can become a violation. Unfortunately, many survivors are left unsure about whether what happened to them was assault, especially in situations involving coercion, intoxication, or a known person.

If you’re struggling with confusion, shame, or self-doubt, you are not alone. At Melissa Hague Law, we offer trauma-informed legal support for survivors of sexual violence. You deserve answers, and we’re here to help you find them.

Defining and Understanding Consent

Consent is an agreement between two people to engage in sexual activity. It must be given freely and clearly, without force, pressure, or manipulation. Consent is specific to each sexual act, can be withdrawn at any time, and should be enthusiastic, not implied.

There is no single legal definition of consent in the United States. Each state has its own laws that define and evaluate it. However, many states consider three core elements:

• Affirmative consent: A clear, verbal or physical indication of agreement.
• Freely given consent: Consent provided without coercion, fraud, manipulation, or threat.
• Capacity to consent: The legal and mental ability to make an informed decision.

Consent is central to sexual health, safety, and respect. Understanding consent helps prevent sexual violence and promote healthier relationships.

Factors That May Affect Capacity to Give Sexual Consent

• Age: Laws vary by state regarding the age of consent and age differences.
• Disability: Cognitive or developmental disabilities, such as traumatic brain injuries, can impair a person’s ability to understand or legally consent.
• Intoxication: Drugs or alcohol can affect decision-making. Some states distinguish between voluntary and involuntary intoxication.
• Authority relationships: Consent may not be valid if the alleged perpetrator holds a position of power (e.g., teacher, doctor, employer).
• Unconsciousness or incapacitation: A person who is asleep, sedated, or otherwise unresponsive cannot give informed consent.
• Vulnerable adults: Elderly or seriously ill individuals who rely on others for care may not be able to legally consent.

Silence or lack of resistance is not consent. Saying yes once does not mean saying yes forever. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. If someone continues after you withdraw consent, it becomes a nonconsensual sex act.

What Is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault refers to any non-consensual sexual activity. This can include unwanted contact, coercion, or exposure to sexually explicit photos or content without consent. A nonverbal cue or absence of resistance does not imply consent to sexual behavior.

We’ve covered the different types of sexual assault and what they legally include in more detail here: What is Sexual Assault? 

If you’re unsure whether what you experienced qualifies as assault, that resource may help clarify your rights and legal definitions.

What to Do If You’re Not Sure It Was Assault

Many survivors struggle with self-doubt and may not realize that what happened to them qualifies as sexual abuse. If you’re feeling confused or unsure, you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. Discomfort, fear, or a sense that something was wrong, even if you can’t fully explain it, deserve attention and care.

You might consider speaking with a counselor, advocate, or trauma-informed legal expert to better understand your experience and your rights. Melissa Hague and her team offer confidential consultations with no pressure to take legal action. You’ll be heard, supported, and empowered to take the next steps, only if and when you’re ready.

What Coercion or Threats Mean for Consent

Some survivors experience sexual assault through threats, manipulation, or coercion. These situations can leave people unsure if what they endured was truly assault.

If you engaged in sexual activity because of pressure or fear, it was not consensual. You are a survivor of sexual violence.

Sexual coercion from someone in power, like a teacher, landlord, or employer, is a type of sexual abuse. If someone pressured you to avoid serious consequences (such as losing your job or home), it was not consensual. Fear-based sex is not freely given. It is sexual violence. Legal help is available.

Consent Is Still Required in Marriage and Relationships

Many survivors don’t report being sexually assaulted when it involves a spouse or long-term sexual partner. But consent is required every time. Past consent or marital status does not entitle someone to sexual activity. No type of sexual relationship removes your right to say no.

Survivors in relationships may also experience coercion, such as threats of divorce or financial control. These situations involve unwanted sexual contact and are considered sexual assault.

Misconceptions About Consent

Unfortunately, many harmful myths about sexual consent still persist. These misconceptions can create confusion for survivors and prevent them from recognizing abuse. Let’s clear up some common misunderstandings:

• “If they didn’t say no, it’s okay.” False. Consent must be affirmative. Silence or lack of resistance is not consent.
• “You can’t withdraw consent once you’ve started.” False. Consent can be revoked at any time, even during a sexual act.
• “Drunk sex isn’t assault.” False. If someone is too intoxicated to legally consent, it’s not consensual. Many states recognize that intoxication, especially when involuntary, invalidates informed consent.
• “Flirting or wearing certain clothes means they wanted it.” False. Consent must be explicitly given. Flirting, nonverbal cues, or appearance is never an invitation to engage in sexual behavior.
• “They didn’t fight back, so it wasn’t assault.” False. Many victims freeze or shut down in response to trauma. Lack of physical force or verbal resistance does not equal enthusiastic consent.

Understanding consent, body language, and verbal cues helps support survivors and avoid confusion in sexual experiences.

Additional Resources for Survivors

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, you are not alone. In addition to legal support, there are confidential hotlines and advocacy centers that offer crisis intervention, emotional support, and referrals for medical treatment or counseling:

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) – 24/7 sexual assault hotline: 800.656.HOPE
• National Domestic Violence Hotline – For survivors of dating violence and domestic violence: 800.799.SAFE
• DoD Safe Helpline – Support for survivors of sexual assault in military service: 877.995.5247

Support services can help survivors navigate their options, from undergoing a rape kit exam to connecting with therapists or filing a report. Speaking with someone who understands consent and related issues can be the first step toward healing.

(View our full list of survivor resources)

A Relentless Ally on Your Healing Journey

Healing from sexual assault is deeply personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to move forward. Whether you’re ready to take legal action or simply need someone to listen, compassionate support is here.

Melissa Hague is a trauma-informed sexual assault lawyer committed to helping survivors reclaim their voice and agency. Her work is rooted in empathy, respect, and advocacy, always centering your needs and your pace.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. What matters is that you’re safe, supported, and reminded that you are never alone.

When the time feels right, Melissa is here to stand with you. Schedule your free, confidential consultation and take the next step, whatever that looks like for you.